How to Deliver a Knock-Their-Socks-Off Public Speech

by Byron Woodson II

I wrote this post in response to AJ Kumar's post about public speaking. In it he outlines a few reasons why people are terrible at public speaking. That's great. But I'd like to know how to be a great public speaker. That might help if i'm going to be in front of a lot of people networking.

They say that people fear public speaking, more than they fear death. I think that's because most people don't know what they'd like to say in a speech. People's reactions would be different if someone asked "are you scared of public speaking" versus "would you be scared to give a speech on [insert speech topic here] if I helped you gather some materials to talk about and helped you practice once or twice?"

As people, we often get ourselves scared about abstract possibilities (in this case a speech) when we don't have step-by-step or even stage-by-stage instructions to do something about whatever we're scared about.

So then, how do to deliver a knock-their-socks-off public speech?

1. know your stuff
Anyone who fumbles on the important information will be discredited. So an important thing to do is be over-prepared. When at the university, I used to read books in the bibliography of the books I had to read for class (history classes, nothing hard like o-chemistry). So when it came time to write an essay or answer a question in class, I could quote the author's sources. Who impressed the teachers, and was the bane of his classmates?

1. Practice two versions of the speech
One way to further your mastery of the material, is to write two speeches about the same thing, and practice both of them for a little bit. Having two speeches written and practices makes you more comfortable not only in knowing your stuff, but also delivering the goods in different ways. To score consistently, you need to be able to shoot a three-pointer and drive to the bucket, not just one or the other.

1. Never talk to an audience
Audiences can be overwhelming, just like those abstract possibilities that we frighten ourselves with. And just as we beat our fears when we have a plan, we need a plan to deal with the audience. An audience is composed of tens or hundreds of individuals. Don't speak to the tens or hundreds, speak to the individuals.

Even Nascar drivers report having moments during 230mph races where they get flashes of a fan's facial expression frozen in time. If they see an individuals' face at 230mph, you can do it while standing still!

Focus your eyes and your attention on one person at a time. They find that great teachers tend to look their students straight in the eye while they talk. This signals to the student they are talking to, and the other students, that the teacher literally has their eyes and attention on the student(s), while delivering the information.

By making eye contact with a person for two or three sentences, then move to the next person, you are capturing their individual attention, and you are talking to individual humans. A by-product of looking individuals in their eyes keeps your sight and attention off of the crowd. Remember, it's much easier to talk to an individual than a crowd. By focusing your attention and your eyes on individuals, the crowd actually disappears for you.

What's with the fuzzy math?
Well, each of these is as important than the other. Though they happen in stages, for each stage, that stage is the most important thing. Like Roger Merrill said in his book "the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing", and I'm pointing out the main things of each stage.

Don't be a Network Groupie, Be Productive Instead

by Byron Woodson II

I was talking to a friend that dipped her toe in the social networking arena, and didn't like the feel of the water. I'll keep her name under wraps so as not to embarrass her (especially because I'm going to make fun of her here). Let's call her Marie (I know no Marie's).

Marie was talking to me today about how someone in her industry said that print advertising is dead. They said that they stopped all money going into postcards, mailings and the like, and moved all of their money into online advertising and social networking. They even recommended getting into blogging, facebook and linkedin. Sounds a bit novel doesn't it?

Marie was telling me this because I'm in charge of the marketing of her business. I had to have a conversation with her about how that wouldn't really work for her. She's one of the people with a low BS tolerance, and in social networking, there's a lot of BS going around. She said that she attended a few meetings of a prominent networking organization (I don't want to drag them into this mud) and was put off. She wasn't impressed by the caliber of people in that organization.

I told her that social networking isn't just social networking. If you don't want to network socially, then network for a purpose. I told her to go back to that organization and get on a committee. I told Marie that people won't recommend her in her line of business because they haven't heard nor seen evidence of her work or work ethic. What she should do is to go and get back in the organization and join a couple committees, and become a reliable member of those committees. Going to general body meetings and social events is soo early 2000's. Especially today, everyone is a member of an organization. The new distinction isn't if you're a member, it's if you're a productive member (though some organizations care more about dues than anything)!

By joining an organization you meet people, you get to know them socially. By taking on responsibilities as part of a committee, either permanent or ad-hoc, you get to know people through their work, and vice versa. If you knew three accountants, and one of them was a solid member of your committee, who would you refer business to? The one who was a solid member of the committee of course!

The basic theme here is to not only join an organization, but to do something productive in it. You know a person by their deeds, not their words.

Do this:
1. Find an organization that you might like, go join one or two of their committees.
2. If you used to be part of an organization already, re-activate your membership.
3. If you are part of an organization, don't just be active by attending events, be productive by producing them.
4. If you're already head of a committee (or three), step down and let someone else hold the reins. In your down-time, join another organization.
5. If you're not into the 'group' thing, fire up tivo an stay by yourself :)

Your Online Professional Brand is Your Book Cover

by Byron Woodson II

Let's face it, people judge books by their covers. This is why we say not to do it! If you are concerned about your professional brand, and how others see you online and in person, you're worried about your cover.

Your Professional Brand Online (the cover)
I remember waay back in about 1998 when people started the weirdest thing, the started "googling" themselves. This was in the day where not a lot of social-networking sites like Facebook and LinkedIn broadcast your name across the web. I remember a few athletes I knew finding sports articles from their local papers mentioning their names. I found it fascinating.

1. what are you a part of
Today, you can take a lot of control over what peopel know about you and can find about you, simply by overwhelming them with information. Putting up a profile on Facebook and LinkedIn acts as a first-stop. Little known, if you have a google account, you can even set up a public Google profile from there.

By proactively signing yourself up for these services, you can put your best foot forward in introducing yourself to other people.

A more intense way to control your online presence is to involve yourself in an online community focused on one of your passions. If you're an avid gardner, signing up for a gardening discussion forum may associate your name with gardeneing expertise. Participating in online communities that you are passionate about is a great way to put your best foot forward online, and do something you enjoy at the same time. Some people recommend blogging about what you love, but let me tell you about blogging . . . if you don't love it, it isn't for you. Don't force yourself to blog, only do it if you want to express yourself.

2. what are you not a part of
Almost as important as what you are a part of is what you are not a part of. There are millions of people lurking around trying to not get on facebook and LinkedIn. The fact that you aren't on these sites says something about you. Sometimes it says you prefer to network and interact face-to-face. Other times it says you simply like to do things your way. Still other times it says you are just a party-pooper. The lack of an online presence can spark any one of these thoughts. So, also consider the consequences of not participating online.

3. control what you can, pray for the rest
With the ability to put your best foot forward, someone is bound to tag you on facebook in one of your more candid moments. All you can do then is pray for what ever else is out there.


Your Professional Brand In Person (the book)
This is actually more important than your online presence. Your professional brand in person is actually who you are and how you carry yourself in a conversation. This includes during interviews, your work ethic and when you're joking around the office.

1. how you look
How you look is important. I'm no style guru, but you definitely do not want to either be the bummiest person at your job, nor the most well-dressed. Basically you want to keep your look stylish and well-kept.

2. how you interact
How you interact with a person revolves around how well you pass control of a conversation back and forth. Some people are quiet, and some people try to railroad the conversation. What you want to aim for is to be able to bully conversation bullies so you can get a word in edgewise, and also be able to pull information from shy people without making them uncomfortable. A great way to influence the direction and pace of a conversation is questions. They're only about as effective depending on:

3. how good your questions are
When you ask someone a question about something they just said, they get the feeling that you've been listening to them. People usually like that. Depending on how perceptive your question is, influences how well that person thinks of you. Asking perceptive questions makes people think you're smart and attentive. Continually saying 'uh-huh' or 'is that so' signals to people that you have minimal interest in them, and they're likely to then have limited interest in you.


Wrapping it up
Managing your online brand if you aren't into it takes only about an hour to set up. All you have to do is set up a LinkedIn account and a Facebook account. Post a few things about yourself, job information (FB), favorite food (FB) and you're good to go. If you want to connect with a lot of people instantly, both of these services let you import your address book from most of the major email applications. This lets you connect with hundreds of peopel you know, and thousands of people you don't who were cc'd on emails you recieved.

Do This:
Read this post that helps you assess your professional and personal brand. You can also download a free pdf from Steve Woodruff that will help you build an online opportunity network .

The not-so-new, New kind of networking

by Byron Woodson II

One of the activities I consistently encourage you to engage in is networking, but not the networking you normally think of. When people think of 'networking', they mostly think business or professional networking. The rules of this game are to go to networking forums, after-work parties, join professional organizations and the like. We go to these places in hopes to find some business contacts, through business contacts that we know.

The other kind of networking, we call socializing. This is much less formal and goal-oriented. When we socialize, we go out simply to meet people. Mostly, we go to hang out with our friends, and perhaps meet some new people. Rarely do we go out to meet our friends friends.

My brand of networking, netweaving, combines these two (check out the differences here). What you do is take the intention to meet the colleagues of your colleagues and map that on to your social life. And conversely, take the relationship-building behavior of hanging out and apply that to your professional life.

What I'm advocating you do is start making your friends your network, and your network your friends. At first glance, you may think that this will amount to 'using your friends' like some kind of MLM scheme. But this isn't MLM where you call everyone you know and ask them if they know someone who can help you. Rather, netweaving is asking your social friends to come out and bring their colleagues and friends. Netweaving is creating a culture where people can help each other. By hosting small but frequent events, you will overlap many of your different social circles, and the context will be one of sharing opportunities, knowledge and energy.

What makes this different is that not many people are doing it. Most of the people who do this are creating large-scale forums for everyone to come to. Though these are good for professional networking, they tend to lack the intimacy needed to build solid long-term relationships.

By merging your business, professional and social spheres, you will actually make each of them better. When you know your co-workers friends, it helps you get a sense of who they are in total. When you know the people your friends work with, you start to know who and what they deal with at work. This is a level of intimacy that happens on occasion in life, I'm saying to cultivate it deliberately.

Questions:
When's the last time you met your co-workers' friends?
When's the last time you met your friends' co-workers?
Is there an event coming up where you can mix these circles?
Have you organized an event to meet them?
What's stopping you?

Suggestion:
Tell everyone you're having a small get-together (not a party) after work in two weeks. Better still, get one friend and one (former) co-worker to co-sponsor it.

Networking to Build a Community

by Byron Woodson II

You've heard of Silicon Valley, but not Route 128 right? The success of Silicon Valley came out of one man's passion for networking, or rather weaving together networks of people, businesses and organizations.

In the book Regional Advantage, Annalee Saxenian discusses the differences between the rise of Silicon Valley versus Route 128. In the 1970's Route 128 was a big electronics and industrial manufacturing center around Boston. The graduates of MIT, Harvard and a few other local schools went to work in the regions' electronics manufacturing centers when the government was pouring lots of money into electronics research and manufacturing.

Around the same time (the 1970's if you've got a short attention span) there was also a rise in electronics manufacturing in Silicon Valley in California. Actually, back then it wasn't called Silicon Valley yet. It revolved around Stanford University and a little later California at Berkley.

In Regional Advantage, Saxenian talks about the cultural differences in the two areas, which gave rise to different ways to do business in the same industries. In the East Coast, the companies had a heavy institutional investment, preferring to work with large corporations and government projects with a skepticism toward anything 'new'. By contrast, in what was to become Silicon Valley, a lot of the top tech talent were encouraged to start their own shops.

In addition to encouraging people to starting their own businesses in Silicon Valley, Frederick Terman, a Stanford professor, and a graduate of the East Coast's MIT no less, was serious about creating a community of people who knew and interacted with one another. He invited businesses to become a part of Stanford's business park (the first in the nation) and encouraged people in business to attend classes at Stanford, either in lecture or a convenient video-series.

From Terman's efforts, the connections between and among the semi-conductor and electronics manufacturers became close knit. They became so close knit that these folks shared knowledge freely, consulted one another on projects, even competitors, and developed an open culture. This culture also supported top talent in moving from company to company, thereby enabling a lot of the start-up companies to recruit and get a fresh supply of experienced talent. They say that there was so much movement that people thought they worked for Silicon Valley, not any one particular company!

What does this have to do with your networking efforts?
Networking for yourself is one thing. When you network in a culture that isn't geared toward networking (as in the Boston/East Coast manufacturers), then your networking efforts will be minimally effective. To have your networking efforts maximized, you need to create not just a network, but a culture of networking and networkers who share ideas, opportunities and referrals with one another.

You build a community of networking, like Terman did, by encouraging others to become networkers and netweavers. For you and me, this means that you host and co-host small frequent events with people who you wish to have some sort of social or professional relationship with. For someone with a wide network and industry experience, this could be a bi-monthly informal meeting where other people in your industry and area can meet, greet, swap stories and talk shop.

By hosting and co-hosting events, or even simply acting like a host when you are at an event, you will dramatically increase the size of the network(s) that you are a part of. When you host a network, you build a network. When you host and co-host events consistently, you cultivate the culture of networking, where people feel comfortable meeting and interacting with others either within or outside of their industry. You can even have a after-work happy hour enabling the people from different departments or sites in your company to have an informal mixer.

The point is that networking one-to-one takes a lot of time. Hosting events creates a kind of many-to-many networking that encourages a culture of networking outside of normal boundaries. If it worked for Terman in building the foundations for Silicon Valley, it will work for you.

Just make sure you tune up how you introduce people. Also make sure you apply the secret to successful networking: following up.

Networking: Sparks and Smoke

by Byron Woodson II

Social networking. It can be shallow. Let's face it. You go to events, you talk to people, you hope for something to fall out of that social-networking money tree. It may. It may not.

Think about that, 'networking' seems so shallow. You don't get anything done. You just talk. At least with work, you get something accomplished during the day (even if your accomplishment is sneaking breaks). But with networking, it seems so empty. All you do is talk to people, meet people and talk to more people.

So how do you get out of that networking hamster wheel? Well, you have to do something productive. You have to run somewhere, not just run. Better put, you have to network to get something accomplished, not just network. Most people network in ways that doesn't get anything specific accomplished. They just 'connect' (here are the shades of networking).

However, sometimes networking can be the precursor to productivity, the spark before the fire. At the same time, networking can be the smoke that is evidence of a fire, something important, interesting or unique going on.

What you have to do is to figure out what kind of networking you want to do: do you want to start a fire, or do you want to fan the flames?

Social Networking as a Spark:
Networking occurs as a spark when two, or more, people meet and agree to get something accomplished. For the most part, this is usually something you want to get accomplished, and you have to pour a lot of sweat equity into to pull off. This can be the start of a community organization cleaning up a neighborhood, fighting a terminal disease, starting a business or even going out on a few dates with someone. Sometimes you interact people to get something started, other times you want to fan the flames of an already-running engine.

Social Networking as Smoke:
Networking as smoke is a different animal. When you hear of 'crowdsourcing' and 'smart mobs', these are events that take place when tens, hundreds or thousands of like-minded individuals discover their common interest and come to celebrate. Events such as craft expos, medical conferences and fairs happen when an assortment of people get together to display, celebrate

Which is for you?
Are you networking for smoke or are you networking for sparks? If you want to start a business or an organization that serves an underserved need, you're networking as a sparker. People who want to assemble masses of people who are already creating things, thinking new ideas or somewhere in between, those are people who fan the flames of those individuals to create smoke signals.

You're not one or the other:
Nobody is solely one or the other. What are three things you'd like to start, get the spark going? What are three things you'd like to get everyone to be aware of, to smoke people out of their nooks and crannies? And remember, when you talk to someone, find out what they want to spark or smoke out.

Do this:
Pick one of those three things you'd like to spark, and call three people you think might be interested in helping you and talk to them about it.

Pick one of the three things you'd like to smoke people out of, and call three people you know doing that kind of thing and throw an event where they bring other people doing their thing too!

Don't know anyone? Ask around! It's called networking!

[author's note: I wrote this before I heard about SparkNetworking in Philadelphia]

Guest Post at Persuasive.net

by Byron Woodson II

Over at Persuasive.net, I wrote a guest post about reading facial expressions. The research is based on Paul Ekman's thirty-some-odd years of research, which is behind the Fox show Lie To Me.

You can check it out here.

How to Make Old Friends in Ten Minutes

by Byron Woodson II

Sometimes you meet someone, and you hit it off instantly. Something seems to 'click' with both of you and you two start talking like excited cheerleaders for what seems like hours on end, even if it is only for ten minutes. You feel as if you known each other for years. What's happening? And how can you make that happen more often?

Well, two things at least. First is, you are interested in the same things. This is especially if you have the same opinion, i.e. who is better, Mariah or Whitney. Feeling as if you known someone for a long time instantly doesn't require the same opinions, just an interest in the same topics.

Second, you have your timing down.

Usually, when you hit it off with someone, they can complete your sentences, they start talking when you do (or you start talking when they do), you laugh at that and other things.

What's happening here goes under the canopy of rhythm. The rhythm I'm talking about is the rhythm of the back-and-forth nature of the conversation, not the rhythm or cadence of a person's voice. It's like playing catch, you throw, I throw, you talk, I talk . . . except that now it turns into juggling with two bowling pins since you can both talk at the same time!

Build Conversational Rhythm
In salsa, the man leads the dance, the woman follows. Having learned salsa (by going to classes with my mom) I know first hand how hard it is to lead the whole time. The same way it is hard to have a one-way conversation. In salsa, you are dancing to the beat of the clave, so you could say that the clave is leading the dance. Anyhow, in a conversation, different from Salsa, the lead (who talks) goes back and forth.

What happens in most of the conversations where you feel as if you've known someone forever, even when you've just met them, you exchange the lead of the conversation back-and-forth fluidly. In these conversations, both you and they want to talk, but you let the other person speak. It's like going through sets of doors when one person holds it for the next person to walk through, then that person holds it for the other, repeat ad infinitum. The time between when one person stops speaking and the other person starts is minimal when you're excited, and could be hours if you both enjoy comfortable silences.

The way to build an old relationship in ten minutes is to pay attention to how and when the other person wants you to respond to them, or when they want you to say your own piece. And instead of simply fitting into their rhythm the whole time, give them some of your own. You have to start talking and signaling them to respond to you. The intent is not to give up leading the conversation altogether, either in topic or rhythm, the point is to lead for a while, then follow for a while, then lead for a while, then follow for a while. Repeat. It's like opening doors for each other.

Start talking when they do, then forget what you were saying
Another thing to help both of you feel as if you've known each other for years is when start talking the same time you do, let them go. The next critical step is to forget all about what you were about to say. You do this by listening to what they are saying intently, as if you're awed by it. Ask them a couple questions while you're at it.

Why do this? Because nobody likes talking to someone who is just waiting to get their own point across. They talk because we want to be listened to. By listening intently to whatever that person has to say, you're signaling that you're interested in what they have to say. By forgetting what you had to say, you're signaling that you're so interested, that your own point isn't as important (even though you think it might have been).

There's not many good feelings as the one where someone likes what you have to say so much that they forget what they were about to say. So be generous and give people those feelings.

Ask them questions
Also, when you listen to what they are saying, ask them questions about it. People love to be on their little soapboxes, even for little speeches. When you ask them questions, it's like you're giving them an encore for their intellectual performance. When you ask them good questions, questions that indicate you're listening to what they're saying, it's like inviting them back for another performance. (more on this here and here)

Tell them it feels like you've known them forever
Only do this if it really feels like you've known them forever. When we get into these conversations, someone inevitably says "it feels like I've known you forever". When the other person says "it does!" then the depth of the relationship is almost forever sealed. It's like getting married. When you both agree to this fact, it is forever declared. Well, maybe not as deep as marriage, more like 'going out' with someone, but significant nonetheless.

Or
you could just buy them ice cream. Almost everyone loves icecream.

What next?
Invite them to meet the people you know. When they know all your friends, associates, co-workers and/or volunteer buddies, then it's really as if you've known them for a long time.

What Kind of Networking Should I Be Doing?

by Byron Woodson II

There's almost a big debate about what 'kind' of networking someone should be doing. If you peruse the internet for information about networking, most of it is about social-networking. Better put, we could call this online-networking. In the other camp, we could put face-to-face networking.

Online Networking:
Information about online networking, also known as social-networking and social-media marketing, branding and so on, tend to push information about how to use Linkedin, Facebook, blogs and websites to promote yourself and/or your business. Some noteable people in here are this one, this one and this one.

Face-to-Face Networking:
Honestly, I haven't found a whole lot of information online specifically geared toward face-to-face networking. There are a few good books circulating such as Good In a Room, Never Eat Alone, Smart Networking, Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty and a few others. But online there's not a whole lot of blogs that go into depth about how to build a network on a face-to-face basis (except mine of course). But some other blogs of note are Liz Lynch's and Ivan Misner's.

Similarities:
What are the similarities between networking online and face-to-face? Well, you're always talking to people. Whether you're typing to twitter, mumbling on the phone or talking to people at professional dinner, you're always talking to people. This is important to remember in online-networking because it's easy online to slip into thinking that what you're communicating with is a bunch of text.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the people you talk to are part of a network. When you talk to people, you're talking to that one person, and that person as a node in a wider network. So when you burn a bridge, you burn a bridge to tens of other bridges. Be nice.

Differences:
Real-time feedback. It's a lot easier to further a relationship in person simply because more communication happens in person. Body-language communicates a whole 'nother dimension of information that you just can't get online through voice tone, facial expressions, posture and so on. Also the conversations in person can be more dynamic because they happen at the speed of talking, not the pace of your slow one-fingered peck-typing.

Which is better?
It depends on what you want to accomplish. First, let me say that the internet isn't a paradigm shift, it's a tool. Going online is more like moving from a handheld screw driver to an electric drill. Things get faster, but you're still turning screws. Though we have websites, blogs and podcasts, it's still communicating with people. The question about which is better asks whether your audience should be geographically targeted.

If you are only doing business in Omaha, perhaps building a wider face-to-face network will work with an online strategy as a supplement to that. If you're promoting yourself for a job, or a business that requires you to do things for extended periods of time, face-to-face networking is for you.

If you're promoting a business that could be national, online networking is for you. I say this becasue face-to-face networking can build trust faster. The caveat is, if you're the undisputed expert, you can use either strategy. If you're in a crowded market, you need to put a face, a laugh and an interaction to a name, not just a picture.

What Do I Like?
If I had to choose between online networking and face-to-face networking, I'd choose face-to-face. But I like talking to people, so I'm biased. A great little story about why face-to-face networking is better was written by referral guru Ivan Misner here.

[authors note: this was in part inspired by these two posts by Steve Woodruff]