Five Ways to Be More Likeable

by Byron Woodson II

How is it that some people knock conversations out of the ballpark, and some consistently give us a 'swing and a miss'? Better yet, what can we, you and I, do to make conversations more interesting and lively? Well I've thought up about five

1. Smile with your ears
You've seen those pictures with people who look like they're snarling and smiling at the same time. You can tell in the immortalized picture that they didn't really have something to smile at. In conversations, people see this all the time. So how do we smile in such a way that we're actually smiling, and not faking it?

Different kinds of smiles demand different muscles in your face. When you have an authentic smile, your cheeks spread, it's almost like your ears are pulling your cheeks back. Try it now. First, smile only by moving your lips into a smile. Now, smile by pulling your whole cheeks toward your ears. I'll bet that pulling your cheeks back feels more like an authentic smile, doesn't it? So when you meet someone and smile, make sure your cheeks move.

2. Ask more questions
Asking questions of someone tells them that you're interested in them and what they have to say. I learned a long time ago that people love themselves. It's not a bad thing, they're themselves all day. Whatever they experience, they experience it as themselves (unless they take a walk in someone else's shoes). So when you ask someone a question, it gives them an opportunity to share their knowledge and view of the world.

But sometimes asking any question just won't do. So you have to:

3. Ask better questions
What makes a 'better' question? There are two possibilities that I'll talk about.

The first kind of a better question is a question that demands more than a one-word answer. There's a big difference between the answers of the questions "what school did you go to" and "why did you go to the school you went to". When people get a question that has an open-ended answer they have an opportunity to talk about themselves, their lives, their experiences and their viewpoints on the world. Who doesn't like their own little soapbox once in a while?

The second kind of a better question asks someone to go further into detail about whatever they just said. When you ask these questions, you're basically telling them that you're listening to what they're saying, and that you want to know more. Which segues into the next way to be more likable:

4. Become awed
Let's say you ask a boring question, and you get a boring answer. Act like it's the best thing you've heard all night.

The last time you told a story to someone who wasn't interested, you probably didn't like telling the story much. When we tell stories or have conversations, we want to have conversations with people who are interested in either us or what we're saying.

By consistently being awed by whatever they are saying, we are feeding people back the energy they are putting into the conversation. Allowing yourself to be awed by the situation is actually a step beyond being interested. Can't muster awe? PRACTICE!


5. Ask for advice
People love to fee like their opinion is valued. When you ask someone for advice, you're both revealing a personal or professional problem you're in, and you're asking them to weigh in whatever authority or advice they have on the topic. By asking for advice you also communicate that you trust them enough to reveal a part of your life that isn't so great. However, don't ask a dentist for dental advice, or a financial planner for finance advice. Nothing is worse than doing your job for free.

You could say that this is a more step-by-step description of how to become more likable than a post I wrote about becoming someone worth liking. You can find a different take on making yourself more likeable from the happiness expert, Gretchen Rubin.